From bhaktin Katerina Porotnikova – Russia, Kaliningrad

Dear Srila Gurudeva,
Hare Krsna! All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Please accept my humble obeisances!
Please, allow me to congratulate you on your Appearance Day! And even more I would like to congratulate us, your disciples and all those, for whom you are their shelter!
Thank you for the shelter, that you have been giving me all these years, since the moment when in 2014 in Kaliningrad you accepted me by some causeless mercy, and allowed me to read you pranama-mantra! It also happened due to dear Mathuresvari, who led me to you by the hand, seeing my confusion and inability to do anything on my own. And also due to Lila Avatara Prabhu and his wife Anandini Tulasi, who have given their considerate association, spiritual support and reliable friendship to me. Lila Avatara Prabhu (who preaches in bhakti-yoga club, that he has established and has been running for ten years) brought me to devotees, and since then I have never wanted to go anywhere else. And it was his glorification of you and the Polish tour, that led me to ask you for the spiritual shelter!
I thank you million times for this feeling of 100% confidence that I am on the right way and there is no need to seek for anything else in this darkness of material existence. I just need to follow you and Srila Prabhupada. Thanks to you, I have such a family, your amazing disciples and my older friends!
Thank you, for your example of steadfastness and determination in following of the footsteps of Srila Prabhupada and Lord Caitanya. As you share your love for Srila Prabhupada, his personality is revealed more and more to me.
Thank you for establishing and conducting every year the Polish tour and Krsna’s village at Woodstock, which I have visited several times for a few days. Those were priceless moments in my life.
Thank you for the example of tireless preaching and caring for devotees and disciples. I am impressed by your energy and inspiration as well as by the festival in Rishikesh that you have organized together with the devotees!
Dear Srila Gurudev, thank you for your endless kindness to your disciples and even to those like me, who are only dreaming to become them. I keep in memory and in my diary a few moments when you looked with kindness at me. And also I remember how you gave me personal instructions. In 2014 you said before flying away: “Be a good girl”. This short phrase revealed to me what exactly I should get into and what specifically I should give up. But not everything happens quickly… Please, forgive me for it!
Later in 2015 (when I met you not in Kaliningrad, but in Rostov-on-Don) I asked you an irrelevant question in the audience of new people: “How to be a good disciple for a spiritual master?”. Despite it you answered mentioning such basic things as chanting sixteen rounds and following regulative principles. It was all very clear. But again in practice I turned out to be very weak. All these six years since 2014 I have been trying to make my sadhana stable, in order to get closer to the possibility of initiation. But I have not been successful. I have chanted sixteen rounds, then zero, then four, then sixteen, then zero… And I have not lasted even six months of stable devotional practice.
Hardly ever I have written you any letters, because I decided I would do it, if I achieved some results. Now I understand, that it was a mistake! I came to realize that I will never succeed in my spiritual life on my own. And I realized, that I should feel like your disciple even right now, and I need to accept your mercy, that you so generously share, and serve you and your instructions, as if I am already your disciple.
In fact, I have all tools to do this. Firstly — your association, that you generously give to us, especially now when you are holding amazing series of webinars (!). Although I have complained about the lack of close association with you, but in fact, looking back now I understand that all these years I was under your protection! During the meetings on the Polish tour I felt a surge of energy. Secondly — several times you came in my dreams. I wrote down these dreams, and every time when I reread them, their great depth of meaning is revealed for me more and more!
Finally, I am blessed with very good association during the year, as I work in the Vaisnava project “Big Vedic Tutorial” (arranged with Srila Radhanatha Swami’s blessing) under the spiritual guidance of Srila Bhakti Vijnana Goswami.
Now, after the very inspiring Lord Nrsimhadeva’s Appearance Day on the 6th of May, which you generously impregnated with your association, I am making another attempt to improve my daily sadhana, and I feel that only by your mercy I will succeed!
Dear Srila Gurudev, please bless me to always continue following your instructions! I will do anything to do this! I want to chant 16 rounds of Hare Krsna Maha-mantra every day, read Srila Prabhupada’s books every day, sing the Mangala arati prayers sincerely and consciously, and listen to lectures. I would like to get to know: what is the best way I can serve you? However, it seems that I should return to this later, when I will be confidently fulfilling your basic instructions…
Nevertheless, dear Srila Gurudev, I would like to ask for your blessings to help Lila Avatara Prabhu more in his preaching, and to invite people more actively to our Bhakti-yoga club on a regular basis! I see there how people are getting inspired by simple, friendly and yet very deep association, that Lila Avatara Prabhu and Anandini Mataji provide with.
Moreover, I would like to serve Srila Prabhupada’s mission and your mission on the Polish tour more actively, perhaps, by means of kirtan, as some devotees tell me to. If I can try to serve you in this way, I will be happy. But the biggest thing, I understand, is to start with the most important instructions.
I pray for your health, for your disciples’ advancement that will make you happy, and that one day by your mercy I also will be able to please you with something!
Please, accept my humble obeisances and congratulations on your Appearance day! I am very grateful to you and Srila Prabhupada for changing my life and lives of thousands of people who were utterly and completely lost!
Your servant, bhaktin Katerina Porotnikova