2020-offerings-public

From Campakalata dasi – South Africa, Durban

My Dear Srila Gurudeva,
Please accept my humble obeisances at the dust of your divine lotus feet. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
All glories to you, Srila Gurudeva, on the auspicious occasion of Sri Vyasa Puja.
This day which celebrates the anniversary of your appearance on this planet, is certainly the most special day for me, as without your appearance, my life would be void of your presence, resulting in it being empty and meaningless. This unique relationship of spiritual master and disciple is the most fulfilling of all relationships one may experience. Grounded on a spiritual platform, it is causeless in nature, with an outpouring of abundant compassion from you for fallen souls such as myself.
Although, since I was eight years old, my family was closely associated with ISKCON, serving in many ways and attending temple programs at least once a week, and I was faithfully leading my life according to the teachings of Srila Prabhupada, it was only at a Durban Ratha Yatra festival in the early 1990s that I experienced an “awakening” — my heart and soul felt an inexplicable sense of surrender — an internal exhilarating euphoric and emotional cry proclaiming that my life was now fulfilled! It was during the kirtan that you were leading; your singing of the Maha-mantra pierced my heart, shattering the residues of any material desires that I was harboring, making my soul soar above the shackles that still bound it. It was a sensation like no other. That defining moment made me realize that I was destined to be your disciple. The moment of surrender to a guru had arrived!
hereon, I seized every moment to render service to you and those days of mine, as a university student spending my holidays at the temple, whenever you were there, grasping at every opportunity to hear from you and follow your instructions, remain my most cherished memories in this lifetime.
Now, thirty years later, since I have been your formally initiated disciple, I can not but lament how, I have fallen prey to material responsibilities and I am drowning in the cesspool of mundane entanglements, foolishly convincing myself that soon I will, once again, be able to re-focus with single-minded determination towards my destination on this spiritual path. Alas, the reality is that tomorrow is not guaranteed to any one of us. I beat my mind, “Carpe diem!” Srila Gurudeva, on my own, my efforts are feeble and lack focus. When will that day come when you will once again look at me and instruct me with commands such as “Champak, I need you to get the electricity department to remove the Christmas decorative lighting from the stretch of the road that is going to obstruct the chariots from passing through!” or give me sweetly relishable tasks such as typing the responses that you dictated to your disciples’ letters or to get a torpedo from Govinda’s restaurant for you or to simply be able to be absorbed in observing you worship your deities and chant with you after Mangala arati!
If I had a time machine that could send me back in time, I’d definitely do all of those acts of service you required of me again and this time, I would never allow any time or distance to separate us, thenceforth.
As unfortunately, I cannot turn back the tide of time, I now contemplate how to not waste any opportunity to associate with and serve you, Srila Gurudeva.
You are utilizing everything in the service of Srila Prabhupada’s mission. More recently, I am grateful for the classes that you are presenting via YouTube which allows us to hear and learn from you, thereby imbibing your mood and nourishing our bhakti-lata creeper.
Nonetheless, I am very fallen and with the passing of my youth and as I come closer to old age, I feel the dire need to re-enter the inner circle and protection of your close association. On this glorious day, when your special mercy flows, I shamelessly beg of you to please allow me pass through that threshold.
Please engage me in your personal service so that I may regain that sense of inner fulfillment, which I am so much lacking and hankering for.
Until then, I remain Your fallen servant in separation, Campakalata dasi