from bhaktin Tatyana Dobrotskaya

Dear Srila Gurudeva,

Hare Krsna! Please, accept my respectful obeisances in the dust of Your lotus feet. All glories to Srila Prabhupada! All glories to You!

I bow down to the lotus feet of my Spiritual Master, who has opened my eyes with the torchlight of transcendental knowledge, while I was blinded by the darkness of illusion.

My name is Tatyana Dobrotskaya, I am 27 years old and I am from Kyiv, Ukraine. I am married to my best friend Vitaliy, whom I met eight years ago at the University, and we are blessed to have a 3-years old daughter Eva.

I began to listen vedic lectures six years ago, being married and trying to work on my qualities to become a better person. At that time I stopped eating meat and got to know about the Krsna Consciousness movement.

It’s been almost five years since I joined the Krsna Consciousness movement, and it’s almost one year since I finally understood that You are my eternal spiritual master. In fact, I knew that from the very beginning of my spiritual journey. There were many signs for me to understand that. For example, I learned about the Hare Krsna movement through the preaching of Your disciples on social media. I was attracted to their taste, which is the taste of spreading the mercy of Lord Caitanya. This is the mood of all Your disciples whom I offer my most respectful obeisances and big gratitude for their open hearts and sincere preaching.

Moreover, the first devotee whom I saw in the streets of Cherkassy, my husband’s hometown, was also Your disciple, Yoga Nrisimha Prabhu. I bought the Bhagavad Gita and the Nectar of Devotion from him and the next day I came to the Hare Krsna temple in Cherkassy for the first time. The devotees greeted me very warmly and I think that their warm welcome gave me the courage to come to the big and unknown Kyiv temple when we came home. By the mercy of devotees I started weaving garlands for Sri Sri Gaura Nitay and distributed prasadam on Sunday festivals.

I remember that it was less than a year since I joined the Hare Krsna movement, but in my heart I already knew that You army spiritual teacher. I could not miss the “Param Gati” festival in Dnipro in 2016 where I saw You for the first time. During that festival I was writing a diary with all my emotions of those days, and while reading those notes today I wonder how could such elevated feelings appear in the heart of such an unqualified neophyte devotee (which I actually am)? That was a mercy in advance, a big mercy for me to be there and to see the happy faces of Your disciples, to feel that all of us are the parts of Srila Prabhupada’s family.

After that festival there were four years of searching for the answers to my inner questions. Everything was complicated, I was confused. My spiritual practice became an obligation for me, I had no taste, no joy, but I tried to continue because I believed in the instructions of Srila Prabhupada. I had faith that he would never cheat me and tried to follow his instructions and to pray to the Lord to show me the way and give me the understanding what is wrong with me.

His response was not long in coming. As Krsna Himself says in Bhagavad Gita [4.34]:

tad viddhi praṇipātena paripraśnena sevayā
upadekṣyanti te jñānaṁ jñāninas tattva-darśinaḥ

“Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized soul can impart knowledge unto you because he has seen the truth.”

Finally a clear understanding reflected in my heart: the most important part of spiritual practice is missing. I need to accept a Guru. I need a person who could awake my soul from the dark dream of material existence, who would open the world of Goloka Vrindavana for me through His lectures. I need a Guru who can connect me to the guru-parampara, connect me to the big mission of the Lord Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.

The person who awakened me once again was You. During those few years You were beside me in my lessons, showing me the right direction. You were patiently waiting for me to get enough of that tasteless way of life and start to beg for mercy: “Krsna, pomogi!”

You were waiting for me to give up my desperate attempts to rely on my own strength, and now I bow down to Your lotus feet and ask for mercy…

My spiritual life hasn’t really started yet, but I am all the time thrown to the extremes. I have knowledge and I have instructions, but I don’t have the spiritual strength to follow them to the full. I want to become serious in my spiritual practice, in my chanting, but it seems like there is a cork on my spiritual path that I cannot break through. And I have no choice but to pray for the mercy of the one who is able to lead me through this jungle. I got lost. I am standing right in the middle of a marsh swamp of material existence and because of my foolishness I do not grab hold of a loving helping hand. I choose to stay in the swamp again and again, unable to realize the value of all that I have already received, having stepped on the path of self-realization.

I want to realize that and not be satisfied with this miserable state where instead of happiness there is only a momentary deliverance from an endless suffering. I became stuck in this swamp many hundreds of lives ago, and it seems that they have no end, but I believe in your instructions, I believe in your mercy. This is the only thing I can hope for in this life. I have neither realizations, nor sufficient determination to break through this wall. I beg you, please, take me by the hand and just tell me what I can do for you?

In the purport of Srimad Bhagavatam [4.20.25] Srila Prabhupada writes:

“A pure devotee always engages in the service of the Lord, taking shelter of His lotus feet, and therefore he has a direct connection with the saffron mercy- particles that are strewn over the lotus feet of the Lord. Although when a pure devotee speaks the articulation of his voice may resemble the sound of this material sky, the voice is spiritually very powerful because it touches the particles of saffron dust on the lotus feet of the Lord. As soon as a sleeping living entity hears the powerful voice emanating from the mouth of a pure devotee, he immediately remembers his eternal relationship with the Lord, although up until that moment he had forgotten everything.”

I pray to have an opportunity to become useful in Your service to Srila Prabhupada. I pray to become serious in my sadhana and spiritual practice. I pray to become Your disciple, because when I listen to your classes I become to see the world in a different way, I become to see the world as it is. And I pray that You never leave me in this place alone…

I would also like to express my big gratitude to mataji Gaura Premanandi who due to her talent of organizing and inspiring others gathers a great team of devotees who together, in the mood of cooperation, make the service of transcribing and editing Your lectures. I am very fortunate to be the part of this team, and I feel joy and inspiration while doing this service.

It’s such a big mercy for me to be in the association of vaishnavas, the devotees of the Lord whom I show my respect and pay my obeisances.

All glories to Sri Guru and Gauranga! All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Thank You so much for Your association. Hare Krsna!

Praying to become Your servant, bhaktin Tatyana Dobrotskaya