From Rasa Kishori dasi – Russia, Saint Petersburg

Dear Srila Gurudeva,
Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to Srila Prabhupada! All glories to you.
They say that when the Diwali festival is celebrated in India, one can see the glowing of billions of lights even from space. What a marvellous scene is it: a giant sparkling carpet made from tiny lamps which are lit by people’s hands! These hands can be young and old, clean and dirty, big and small, that doesn’t matter much, as the flames they light are shining alike. Honestly saying, it wasn’t easy for me to write an offering this year; you know my passion for words like no one else, and among all the people on Earth you are my only reader, but this time I hardly managed to find energy and courage to glorify you. I read my previous offerings, but they didn’t inspire me, I listened to guru-katha and couldn’t write a line, neither japa nor scriptures could help me. But then I went reading the offerings of other disciples and well-wishers, and I dared to hope that inspiration didn’t left my heart. So please accept my lamp, which is lit by the fire of other hearts, pure and warm; it was they who made me confident that all the offerings look the same for the one who accepts them, just as all the sparkles of fire are equal for the one looking at them from heaven. The lamps may differ: one can offer a golden one with fine jewels or a simple one made of clay; one can present a generous and precious gift or just make something very simple with his own hands; one can adorn his offering with elegant quotes from the scriptures or, being illiterate, not write a word in Sanskrit or English. But all of us are sparkles of one giant fire, the lamps used in one big arati which is performed as an offering to your lotus feet.
This year had a difficult start for the whole world and it managed to even the score for everybody here on Earth. Alas, there’s no way to present you a gift for your appearance day except the words; so let the words of your numerous disciples, which are the shining essence of their hearts, please you! This light illuminates everything inside and outside, cleaving the darkness; as sastras say, om sva-prakaso maha-tejah-sarvatas timirapahah sa-bahyabyantara-jyotir dipo ‘yam pratigrhyatam [Hari-bhakti-vilasa, 8.38]. Now at the very start of the age of Kali we still have some advantages, but one day there will be no fresh ghee left and no flowers and fruits, so the only thing the people staying here on Earth will be able to offer to the Lord will be their heartfelt obeisances. These days when the pandemic scattered us around and locked us down in our houses, we are still able to offer our humble obeisances unto your lotus feet, and that means that we still have at least some hope.
Glorifying the Spiritual Master on the auspicious day of his Vyasa Puja is the sacred duty of a disciple. You have lots of qualities which are worth glorifying, namely courage, compassion, strong desire to preach, faithfulness to your Spiritual Master, optimism, etc. When performing arati, I used to stay in front of my Deities, trying to catch the elusive moment of wonder which I loved most of all, the moment when the light offered to the Lord was flickering in His deep eyes, moving and dissipating in His ornaments and making His garment glow and shine. The flames of love in your disciples’ offerings are lighting all the hidden and evident gemstones, the qualities of your noble heart, and make them shine. I cannot describe all of them, and I won’t try to; but being a thief that always looks at the things she hankers after and lacks, I will describe and glorify these qualities of yours I don’t even hope to develop some day.
I will not lie when saying that your bravery is legendary. It is in fact so, you have triple courage, namely your own valor, your Master’s instruction and the protection of your Istadeva. But talking about your bravery, how can one avoid saying of the indestructibility of yours? You have had so many situations in your life that could make a common man give up, and you have faced all the possible problems, from the simple material inconvenience to the most bloody confrontations. You are not restrained by any walls, borders or people’s prejudice, you don’t look for excuse and devote yourself entirely to your mission. When it seems to be no way for preaching, you find the right way somehow; when you’re sick, you leave your bed despite doctor’s orders; you regret of your body getting old, but you dance even with more enthusiasm and energy than young prabhus. As you said one time, if one falls ten times, he must rise twelve times; the good servant is the one who concentrates on the way, holding his lamp, and if he stumbles, he won’t let it fall and go out. Oh, I wish I could have a drop of concentration and indestructibility of the person who accepted me as his disciple!
One more quality of yours which is so admirable is your generosity and the desire to share your joy with others. The Spiritual Master is said to be lighting the way with a torch of knowledge; the fire burning in your heart is seen by the people of Russia, America, India, Poland, China, from every corner of the world; this fire is transmitted through books, net, videos, radio and it stays burning for years and can light other hearts. Someone will manage to keep this light till his last breath, and someone will shine bright and go out, destroyed by a gust of wind, well, that’s the Lord’s will! And you light us again and again. Oh, I wish I could give at least a tiny sparkle of the cold blue flame of my heart to other people, which was lit by the person who was so compassionate to name me his servant!
You’re always in sight, but what happens in the rare moments when you stay alone? It’s a special time when one stands face-to-face to God and offers Him a lamp of his pure heart, and sometimes its flame swings when catching a hidden mournful sigh. Sometimes you cannot help crying when talking about
your Master, and we see the flame of your lamp slightly swinging. I can hardly imagine my mundane and spiritual life if you leave this world before me. Will this flame in my heart go out forever then? It’s so weak when you’re far away. And how do you manage to keep it burning for such a long time in this darkness of ignorance, doubts, hatred and disillusion surrounding you? What a pure kind of ghee your love shall be to burn so long and softly, producing the fragrance so sweet all these years. Aren’t you hurt by the flame? Oh, I wish I could keep my love to the person I don’t dare to call my Master and didn’t let it be killed in the desperate lonely trying times!
Many disciples write in offerings about their achievements, offering those fruits to the lotus feet of the teacher. By the grace of God, I have nothing to boast about in front of you. In our last meeting you said “I read everything that you write.” So, all my small steps — both forward and backward — you already know. You left me hope, when another time you promised me service, and I look forward to being worthy to serve.
Be always joyful and full of strength in your holy destiny!
Your servant, Rasa Kishori dasi