From Syama Jivani dasi – Russia, Samara

Dear Srila Indradyumna Swami Maharaja,
Please, accept my humble obeisances! All glories to you!
Thank you, Gurudeva, for accepting me in the shelter of the dust of your lotus feet. Meeting you was the Lord’s blessing for me, my biggest fortune and causeless mercy.
When I was a little girl, just five years old, you hugged me and put on me your garland, and I still cannot forget your love, and cannot forget Krsna, for you opened Him to my eyes. That great day you planted Bhakti seed in a little girl, who grew up and did not forget that love. The love, that you planted, is growing now as well.
I was looking at your photo and waiting for our next meeting. It happened in 2013 during Bhakti-sangama festival in Ukraine. You gathered all children to tell us about Krsna and to sing kirtan with us. We were frolicking, playing around and laughing. I forgot everything, and simply followed you in the spiritual world. You showed me the road to Sri Sri Radha Syamasundara — which is filled with flowers, fabulous, wonderful, and beautiful, where bumblebees are flying and peacocks are dancing, where birds are singing loudly and where the bells of Vraja Gopis’ are ringing, where cows’ sweet milk is flowing and where cowboys are laughing. I will never forget it. That day I could not believe that you are that Maharaj from the photo, who hugged me so tenderly and lovingly.
Our next meeting was during Sadhu Sanga in Russia. I saw you and offered you my obeisances. Immediately I happened to be close to you, and even was able to receive your association. Then we had breakfast and lunch, then I ate pasta with pizza and ice cream and washed it down with Sprite. You told us story about Krsna and show us the Deities, and later you looked at palms of little devotees predicting how many babies would each of us have. It was so long ago, but I still remember it as it was yesterday. You imprinted greatly in my heart. You turned my life upside down, to 108 degrees.
Those days when you were saying that you accepted us as your future disciples, where the happiest in my life. I would never trade them for anything. Those days are more precious than gold, more beautiful that brilliants, more important that everything nice in whole three worlds. Then from just one thought that you were leaving, my heart would bleed and my eyes would be filled with tears. The only thing that I want is to listen to you, to serve you, and to be somehow useful for you. I want to be your shadow, and to live under your lotus feet, dear Srila Gurudeva.
After that I was counting days till the moment I would be able to see you again — my Master and my Lord. And, finally, we met again in Kazan, Russia. When you saw us with my sister you asked us how we were doing and how many rounds of maha-mantra we were chanting. We blushed embarrassedly, and answered you that we were chanting zero rounds. I was so ashamed. Then you told us on the importance of japa in devotees’ life. We promised to chant at least one round. That day we immediately started to chant maha-mantra on our beads. It shocked everyone for they thought that you initiated little us. That day you gave us the Holy Name, taste for the Holy Name, and held us responsible for our chanting. It was unofficial, but in that moment I felt, that you took me under your strong wing, as if I was a baby bird, a chick just learning to fly.
But the most memorable moment was for me, when you put your lotus feet on my head. You may forget about it, but I still remember your first Vyasa Puja in my life which happened to be in Saint Petersburg in 2016. I remember crazy kirtans for hours, and I only wanted to sing and dance. Even hunger went off to the side. It was indescribably beautiful. The spiritual world appeared on the earth by your doings. My heart rejoiced and happy tears flew down from my eyes. It smelled and felt like love and Sri Vrindavan Dham.
Wherever you go, the Lord and His pastimes appear. One of such pastimes happened, when we were seeing you off, I used the moment and asked you to give me your blessing for me to go on the Polish tour and to visit Dhama, I dreamed so much about it. You gave me your blessings and said: “See you there”. And it happened that way. By your grace and the Lord’s mercy we went on the tour. I will not write about the tour, just say that everyone needs to go there. I do not have any words to describe even the smallest spark of the spiritual sky on the earth that I experienced on the tour. My realizations, experience, my opinions on life, the world, and on my goal changed completely. I got convinced in the importance of Krsna Consciousness, Lord Caitanya and Srila Prabhupada’s mission. Because of you for these two months Lord Caitanya was pouring His mercy on me every day. Sometimes you personally engaged me in the service. It was easy one, but still it was service. The greatest that I have ever held in my hands was your japa beads. Following you while chanting — the work of my dreams, and will forever stay my favourite activity.
By the end of the tour I realized that I want to be your disciple, and asked you for pranama-mantra. You agreed, and mentioned that you see me and my sister as your disciples already. I could not believe it, could not believe that this is my life. I could not understand what was the reason of your mercy.
15 August 2017 I see as my true birthday. That day I seriously stepped on the spiritual path, holding your hand. I did not know when I would be initiated. I wanted it so much, and you did as well, but our senior devotees were not so inspired about it. And during my initiation you said that only a little bit of guru-kripa was needed, that you believed in me, and that I would always be your loyal and dependent disciple. You said as well: “When there is a choice between Maya or Krsna, I always choose Krsna”. That’s why you felt the need to inspire me more by accepting me as your disciple. Whenever I look in Maya’s way, I remember your words. You mentioned as well that the young ones are important part of the community, for they will continue the mission in the future. You said that sons — are father’s heart, as well as we, daughters, because we all will make your dreams come true. It will be us as well — me and my sister, with whom you assume, I never fight. I apologize, I am so ashamed, but sometimes we fight. I can say only that I will put all my efforts in making your dreams come true. You told me to give my whole life and heart to Srimati Radhika, and I do my best to follow this instruction.
Thank you, Srila Gurudeva, for my life. You gave me my spiritual life, which is by far more important than the material one. You made my life meaningful. You became my master, my father, my guide and my lord. Listening to your classes, I understand what is the secret of successful life. Thank you for being the perfect example of pure devotee. Thank you for making me better! Only because of you I changed, and still am following the right path. I want to be a deserving you disciple, and behave that way so your glories will cover the three worlds. So everyone would sing: “Jay Srila Indradyumna Swami Maharaj!”
In 2017 in Sri Vrindavan Dham you asked me and my sister if we ever heard you talking in your classes about one of Srila Prabhupada’s disciples. You told us how she loved Srila Prabhupada, and the way Srila Prabhupada loved her. She was ready to do everything for him, and he was ready to sacrifice his life for her. You let us know that the same goes for me and my sister. You know, that we are ready to do everything for you, and you are ready to do the same.
With my whole heart and my whole soul I love you. I have never seen the qualities you possess in anyone else. Your kindness, you care and your compassion. Your determination and commitment in preaching every day inspire me.
On Polish tour 2019 during Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasa Puja you read from your offering letter: “Oh, my merciful Lord and Master, my dear spiritual teacher, please, never leave me, let me always stay with you, life after life, while you are travelling fourteen worlds flooding them with Krsna consciousness ecstasy. As your spiritual master, you are the ocean of compassion personified”. While you were reading it, tears were flowing from my eyes, and I could not stop them. I felt your love for your spiritual master. And at that moment, forgetting all my desires, I started to pray and beg the Lord for the same.
rila Indradyumna Swami Maharaj, I wish to follow you wherever you will go. I am sure you will not forget me. This year will be three years since you have started to guide me, three years since I have became your disciple. And it is not the end, it is just the beginning of my life. My connection with you is eternal.
Dear Gurudeva, please, allow me to hold onto you. I do not want to drown in the swamp of the material existence. You are the only one who can save me. Please, let me always stay at your lotus feet.
On this day of your Vyasa Puja and for eternity staying in the dust of your lotus feet, Syama Jivani dasi