from Gudakesa Das – United Kingdom, Watford

Dear Srila Gurudeva,

Please accept my humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories, all glories to your wonderful service to Srila Prabhupada.

As I have already mentioned in previous Vyasa Puja offerings, I always find it difficult to write. Actually, it is difficult to get started. I was wondering why this is and now I think I know the answer — because from my offering you will see all, that I have left unchanged in my heart. You will be sad to see all that is there. After more than twenty years of chanting the Maha-mantra, you can still see only darkness and useless qualities. But, because of your mercy, nothing is hopeless. If there is something good in me, it is that I keep my eyes on your lotus feet, on my amazing spiritual master. I try to focus my mind on your teachings and instructions, and try to follow the example of the dog, who always looks at his beloved master. Only because of your mercy I am here, and I want to renew my promise, if you let me, I will always follow you on your way, to Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet.

One morning, as I was chanting japa, a clear voice in my mind said: “You have nothing, only your anarthas, everything else is Krishna’s. When you clean all that dirt from your heart, you will able to stay with Him always.” I was so happy to hear this message, it gives me so much inspiration. Then, the night after, in a dream this voice also said: “We must love everybody, because every amazing soul has only a temporary mental illness, that is called anartha. These souls are suffering so much because of this illness, which keeps them far away from Krishna’s arms. If you don’t love them all, you act like someone who kicks a person who is down. Love them, and do preach to them.” I feel that these messages are coming from your mercy, Srila Gurudeva. I am in England and you are in Vrindavana dhama, but you always let me be near you, and If I am open, you teach me in my heart. Thus, Krishna’s promise becomes reality.

Dear Srila Gurudeva, I don’t know how, I can pay back even a small amount of all, that you have so mercifully given me. I know that all the plants and roots of my anarthas. I must clean out myself alone, nobody can do it for me, but please give me strength and intelligence that I can do it fast. Not only because I want to finish my suffering in this world, but I would like to offer a nice and really devotional and loving service to you, to the Vaisnavas and to Radha Krishna. I know for sure that I have a lot of anarthas, but I also have something even stronger — your love and mercy!

Dear Srila Gurudeva, thank you for all that you are giving to us and to all conditioned souls. I pray for a quick finish to this quarantine, because your festivals are awaiting us, where we can do service together with our dear friends and where we can help your mission.

With love, your inspired servant, Gudakesa Das